“Too Prairie”

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According to Dictionary.com, “prairie” is a noun that refers to a treeless tract of grassland. But “prairie” doesn’t live within these confines to me.

My usage of the word has its origins in 70s and early 80s television. The adventures of Laura Ingalls and her family never interested me. The setting alone bored me to tears. If there’s a one room schoolhouse, I can’t even pay attention.

In my world, “prairie” is an adjective that can describe a myriad of things, like TV shows, movies, art, books, photography, clothes, etc. It’s a very complex classification system that can confuse and entertain my husband all at the same time. Let me show you how it works.

Little House on the Prairie – Duh, prairie. Even has it the title.

Leave It to Beaver – not prairie. My husband: “But it’s black and white.” Me: “Yes, but Wally and Beaver live in the suburbs. They go to the movies. Not prairie.”

Old war movies – prairie. My husband: “They’re nowhere near a prairie.” Me: “Umm…they’re OLD. Prairie.”

The Triplets of Belleville – French prairie. My husband: “What are you even talking about?” Me: Smug silence.

Green Acres – not prairie. My husband: “They live on a farm! There’s a pig!” Me: “They’re from New York City. They’re fish out of water. Lisa Douglas never wanted to leave New York. Not prairie.”

I admit the system can be challenging for a novice. But if you want to try it, here are some basic guidelines.

– If it’s before 1950, you can pretty safely say that it’s too prairie. But there are always exceptions, like the work of Anaïs Nin or Simone de Beauvoir. Decidedly NOT prairie.

– If it’s black and white, it could very well be too prairie. Exceptions: Leave It to Beaver (as discussed above) and The Wizard of Oz (it’s been adopted by “the gays” and it morphs into vivid shades of technicolor once Dorothy escapes from that prairie backwater town. NOT prairie.)

– If there are no buildings, no city streets, no one is smartly dressed, no one is drinking fancy cocktails or wine, and you think that most of the characters would feel right at home in a one room schoolhouse, it’s probably too prairie. Exception: The Blue Lagoon (They were on their way to San Francisco, for God’s sake. NOT prairie.)

-If gay men like it, it’s probably NOT too prairie. Exception: Oklahoma. The musical, not the state. A cowboy? Named CURLY? Prairie.

-If it’s a western, can be described as “rustic,” historical, or about a war, that means my dad probably likes it. If my dad likes it, it’s almost certainly too prairie. Exception: HGTV

Got the hang of it? This by no means covers all methods of categorization or exceptions to the rules, but it’s a good start.