I honestly don’t know why it feels so hard to just “show up”. Maybe my brain is winning this round. You know how your brain can sometimes “reason” its way around everything until there’s nothing left? Or, more likely in my case, it makes the thing into a much bigger deal than it really is so it just keeps getting pushed aside.
In the past, it has felt really easy to use Instagram to share my work, but now that not nearly as many people are even seeing it there, it feels more emotionally draining to put in the effort. It feels like more effort here too, given that I have to use this clunkier format and it doesn’t work as well on mobile. But this is where we are now.
NOTE TO SELF: This is NOT the kind of stuff that I want to share here, so why am I writing it? I have no interest in creating a complaint repository. ZERO.
I want to create a place where people can come and get to know me.
Not in an About Me statement or even the Inspiration page for my art, but something that is always changing and growing. Sure, I update those parts of my website periodically, when new paths are found. SPOILER ALERT: I’m almost certain that I’ll remove all categories around my paintings (land, sea, etc.) soon. That’s the kind of stuff I want to share with you here — like, why would I decategorize my work? That’s for another day when I’m ready to move forward with it.
And I also have an email newsletter — which you should definitely sign up for because you get 15% off any original painting in my shop just for signing up! — but I need a place for people who don’t already know me to learn more about me.
When I used to be a blogger, I shared my obsessions on a regular basis. I’m not here to do that, either. Not really. (Not that it wouldn’t be fun to dish about The White Lotus, it’s freaking awesome.) I want a place to share what I’m thinking about and what is inspiring me in my art. And life too, sometimes, because so often for me those two things are deeply intertwined.
For instance, in November I started a daily journaling practice that (usually) happens when I’m having my second cup of coffee. Most often I write in a sketchbook, then type it into Moleskine Journey later so I can have a searchable record that can come with me everywhere. Sometimes I skip the handwritten part and go directly to Moleskine Journey, but not if I’m doing the type of writing that is more about affirmations or manifestation or emotionally clearing out — there’s something about pen to paper that is best for that type of work.
I’m learning a lot through this practice. It’s been a while since I’ve written this consistently and it’s helping me discover and focus on what’s important to me. And I’m hoping that it’s also going to help me start showing up here more often, feeling like I actually have something to say or share.
One of the things that my brain constantly talks me out of is how much you’re really interested in knowing about me/my work.
I love reading other artist’s journals and going through sketchbooks and looking at all of the stuff that leads up to the art they create. But I’m an artist and I’m into that. You might not care about it as much as I do, and I don’t want to bore you.
But then again, I’M AN ARTIST. I have to share my own vision. I have to choose what I want to say here without really thinking about you.
Not in a rude way of course, but in an authentic way, you know?
If I get too concerned about whether or not you’ll be interested in what I’m saying, then I won’t be sharing the real me. And you’ll miss out on thoughts, ideas, places, colors, and memories that make up some of the paintings that I’ve created that you love.
I was pretty good about sharing the real me when I was blogging regularly. I’ve just gotten out of practice…both here and in the physical world. I’ll save my thoughts on detachment and digital relationships for another day. But for now, I’m happy to have taken this step. This small moment of sharing something with you.
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