You might be surprised to know this about me. As an artist who channels beauty, I spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about death.
Wait…don’t go!
Truth be told, for much of my life, this was a source of terror and severe anxiety. I grew up exposed to a religion heavy on the fires of hell. Pair that with an already super anxious kid who spent the first year of her life practically inconsolable (so I’ve been told), followed by the death of someone super close to her at the age of seven,…well, that’s a lot for a small human.
As I got older there were more deaths…the most soul crushing so far was losing my younger brother when we were in our early 20s. That one brought me out of the numbness I unintentionally orchestrated for myself for quite a while.
Moving on…because I’m not here to talk about my own past or lessons I’ve learned or what I carry with me today, more than 25 years later.
Not directly or extensively, anyway.
At some point in my 30s, I started reading more about death and life and the spiritual world. Energy. What we’re all made of and from. Not the things I grew up hearing and fearing, but LOVE. Pure energetic love.
When I was 40 I finally got treated for lifelong generalized anxiety. After my son was born, I had such a severe bout of postpartum anxiety and depression that I couldn’t fool my brain into thinking I could deal with it on my own anymore. And I’m so grateful for that. It was then that I truly began to know myself, my true essence, deep down inside without all of the distractions.
I started meditating. I started floating in a sensory deprivation tank. I started painting, eventually! I read books and listened to podcasts about spirituality. I heard extremely powerful stories about Near Death Experiences. I believed that our energy didn’t end when we died. Even physics shows us that energy just gets transmuted into other forms, right? (Note: NOT a physicist. Please don’t quote me on that. But it sounds familiar!)
Today during meditation, right before I finished this painting, these words popped into my head.
THERE ARE NO EDGES.
And now we come back to death.
Maybe when our bodies are done, our energy just blends with the Universe.
We become beauty.
We finally see and feel that we are all one.
Pure love.
No edges.
THERE ARE NO EDGES is available for purchase here in my online gallery.
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