In June I will have lived in my current apartment for five years. My son will be five years old in August. Five years is the longest I’ve lived in one place.
The last time I lived in the same home for five years I was 15 years old – 30 years ago. Some people may think that I’ve settled down. In some ways, most definitely. But I’m also more open to exploring this world than I ever have been.
When I was a kid we moved around a lot, but only within the same 20 mile radius. To a teenage girl going into her 11th grade year of high school, 20 miles is a very long way. To a 30 year-old woman trying to find her place in the world, traversing the same 1200 miles several times never felt long enough.
A friend said to me during one of my moves back to Seattle, “It doesn’t matter where you go. You will always be there. You can’t run from you.” When I think about the moves in my late 20s and throughout my 30s now, I can see the running. A sense of unsettledness and unhappiness. Plenty of things to run from.
For a while I didn’t really know who I was or how I wanted to live my life. I kept dipping my toes in different ideas, never fully committing. Always going into it knowing that there was an out, and always ready to take the out. I’m glad that I’m not one of those people who are unsatisfied with life but unwilling to make a leap, but there are at least a couple of times that if I would have sat still for just a little while longer I may not have made certain jumps.
But where would I be now?
I’m grateful for the packing and unpacking. For the tears and the madness that led me to this point. The highs and lows. The beach and the mountains. The yin and the yang. The love and the distance. The mourning and the dawn. Every step, tear, “crazy” decision and indiscretion that brought me here, to this place.
Right here.
Right now.
In this small apartment that I’ve called home for five years.
With the people that I love more than anything on earth.
With a creative life that I’m so grateful for.
With so much joy in simply being.
Art Note: I created these mixed media collages for The Jealous Curator’s March Creative UNblock Challenge.